FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
