it hurts more in the daytime
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
