Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
