look no pants
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
