I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
