That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
