Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize