it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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