I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
