he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
is it fun? or sober?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
