Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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