I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Randomize
