i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
