all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
