he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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