Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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