I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
