i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
