New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
