i wish there were pregnant emoticons
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
