I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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