im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
