dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
