Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He passed out mid-signature
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
