My liver just broke up with me...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
