i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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