I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
