i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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