What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
