You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
