Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Never let your siblings swipe right.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
