I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
