I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
