Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize