dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
When are your genitals available?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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