ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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