Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
