Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
