NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
