Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
