one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize