Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
