I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
