Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
True strength comes from lack of pants
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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