i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
