It's a beautiful day for a hangover
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
