You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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