I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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