It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
