I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
