covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
