i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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