He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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