I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
