Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
