Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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