I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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