Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
