Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
