Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
