All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
