My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize