Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
