sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
