It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
