she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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