Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
