God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
