i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
