Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
