can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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